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Last Minute Valentine’s Day Date Ideas for Inter-Abled Couples

Let me start off by saying that for most of my adult life I’ve had a snarky little ‘tude when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

The boxes of cheap chocolate… the heart shaped diamond jewelry…

Not my thang.

And yes, on more than 1 occasion I have completely forgotten it was V-Day (I swear it always falls on a Wednesday – what’s so romantic about a Wednesday?) and decided to go out for a “quick” dinner. Ummm…nope. Not gonna happen in this town.

But 4 years ago or so, cupid pierced me with his gold tipped arrow.

And since then, V-Day is just one more welcomed excuse to spend quality time with my boo. This year, that means we are packing up the old Toyota Braunability Ramp Van for a snow filled adventure weekend over in Bend, Oregon. I’ll share a recap later, but please follow along real time (ish) by heading over to Instagram and following our pals at BACKBONES.

So TODAY is V-Day, right? And that means if you haven’t already crafted the perfectly romantic date for your sweetie, you’re screwed. Just kidding, guys, because I’ve got you covered with these sure to please last minute date ideas.

Last Minute Valentine’s Day Date Ideas For The Inter-Abled Couple (or anyone, really)

Idea #1 – Release Your Inner Artist at Sip and Paint

The concept is simple – you and your sweetie spend a couple hours enjoying a little wine and making a little art. But wait, will this work for the inter-abled couple? Of course, you silly! There is no need to be Intimidated because Sip and Paint classes cater to the masses and are all about having fun. So paint with your hands, paint with your mouth, paint with your feet, who cares! Or better yet, don’t paint at all and use the time to snuggle up close to your date and help direct the creative process.

If you are Portland based, check out these Sip and Paint Shops:

THE LOADED BRUSH wants you to eat, drink, and be merry. Sounds good to me! L.B. offers step by step water color classes for the beginners.

BOTTLE AND BOTTEGA offers Sip n Paint at their SW Portland studio as well as pop up venues around town. Bottle and Bottega aims to help you “discover the creativity that you had long forgotten or never knew you had.” Cool!

POP & PAINT is a women owned business offering Sip n Paint classes at pop up locations around Portland, hence the name.

VINEGOGH is located in the heart of Selwood. This is Portland’s OG Sip n Paint.

 

 

Idea #2 – Enjoy a Couple’s Massage Without Ever Having to Leave Your Home!

Mobile massage is legit, you guys. And that is totally awesome because for those with a physical limitation, massaging outside of the home can sometimes be more hassle than it’s worth. And for someone who hates the whole greasy post-massage body having to interact with the outside world thing (that would be me), I love that mobile massage allows one to transition right from massage, to shower, to bed, or to whatever the night has in store. Ya know what I m saying (wink, wink)?

Check out these Websites / Apps for In-Home Massage:

ZEEL offers the quintessential couples massage in the convenience of your house. It’s easy! Book online and then 2 massage therapists with 2 massage tables show up at the same time and place to rub you and your boo.

SOOTHE also offers a couples massage, but the logistics are a bit different. In the case of Soothe, you book 2 back to back massage appointments for you and your boo, and then 1 massage therapist with 1 massage table shows up to work out those tight knots for a couple of hours. This option might be just as convenient for some couples, though in the Poor house this just wouldn’t make logistical sense.

Tip 1 – if you or your partner need some extra time or assistance transitioning onto a massage table, consider purchasing a new or used table (craigslist) and get ready ahead of time.

Tip 2 – I personally have only tried Soothe and had a nice experience. That said I have heard great things about Zeel.

Tip 3 (Riley Poor Tip)- Ri wanted me to recommend that all P.H.L. readers take some time in 2018 and find a skilled massage therapist that will make regular home visits. Agree! Thanks, Ri!

 

Idea #3 – Have Some Dessert Delivered to Your Door!

Shoot. You waited until the last minute and now every restaurant in town is booked solid on Valentine’s Day. What about dessert? Surely there must be somewhere you can go for a little dessert. Think again, my friends. But thankfully, everyone loves dessert and a Rom-Com (Chocolat, anyone?) in bed. I am a practical gal, you see, and I say if bed is where you want to end up with your sweetie on Valentine’s Day, I say make life easy and do the whole dang date from that singular locale. Technology makes this a snap!

If you are Portland based, check out these places that deliver:

PIX PATISSERIE is a little slice of France in Portland. Decadent chocolates, cakes, macarons, eclairs and more. They deliver 7 days a week through CAVIAR.

THE PIE SPOT does pie, cookies, scones, and things of that nature + they have stuff for the gluten free crowd and they offer lunch and dinner options. This northeast Portland based shop offers delivery through AMAZON RESTAURANTS.

SAINT CUPCAKE has the most darling cupcakes you ever did see. And they taste super yums too. Get yours through AMAZON RESTAURANTS.

 

I’m fresh out of ideas, so hopefully something in here will help create a little romance for you and yours! Thanks for reading, everyone, and have a lovely day! See you next time!

Drea

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We Don’t Miss Out On Much – A Backbones Blog Collaboration

Have you guys heard of BACKBONES?!?

This aptly named and totally awesome 501(c)(3) non-profit organization exists to “help people with spinal cord injury or disease (SCI/D) and their families connect with their communities.” 

This girl right here (moi!) totally digs a mission of supporting community connection. Therefore, I dig BACKBONES and the refreshingly delightful stuff they get behind (take for instance their yoga discovery workshop for people with spinal cord injuries workshop this weekend in Tucson, Arizona – umm… why are Ri and I not going?!). After meeting founder and executive director, Reveca Torres, at the No Barriers Summit this past summer (remember that adventure?… click HERE to jog your memory), and instantly deciding that the rumors were true – she is wicked cool- I was stoked when she and I decided to do some blog collabs. Here’s a snippet of my premier post for the BACKBONES blog, and a link to read on directly from their site. 

We Don’t Miss Out On Much.

Part of the reason people are in a romantic relationship is to share hobbies and life experiences together, right?

So in my world, I am always pumped to explore some new something with my boyfriend Riley, who is a C5/6 quadriplegic. Of course, there are so many stereotypes about people living with physical disability, and when Ri and I first got together one or two of the naysayers in my life expressed concern over the things I would “miss out on,” simply by choosing to be in a relationship with someone with a spinal cord injury. I ignored those skeptics in favor of love, and over the years, we have (of course) honed in on how we, as a couple, seek fun. Here are our Top 3 Takeaways that might help others living a similar lifestyle to enjoy the adventures of life just as much as we do.

Itchin’ to read on? Click HERE to discover just what these 3 takeaways are all about.

And as always, thanks for reading, friends!! ~~Drea

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I want to tell you about Wheel Pad!

Written by Drea

I ask you this –

Where do wheelchair bound/paralyzed folks (anyone needing accessible housing, really) live when their former housing accommodations are inaccessible? That is a tricky predicament facing a lot of people in our country. For the newly injured in particular, this adds one more layer of stress atop an extremely stressful time. Even Ri, who had a multitude of family, friends, and community resources struggled to find accessible housing. He lived in a hotel for months until he found something half decent, and even now, 8 years post injury, we are still altering our home to make life as accessible as possible.

Short of expensive remodels or relocation, this predicament had few alternate solutions. Until Wheel Pad, that is. Wheel Pad, launched in 2016, is a 200 square foot accessible bedroom and bathroom module that has the ability to actually link up to an existing home, bringing accessibility right to your doorstep! Ta-dah!

The beauty of Wheel Pad is that it is an immediate short term solution. It keeps families together and removes the stress around creating an accessibility plan. I am all for easing burdens, so this is a project I am behind.

Check out this video below to get a better idea of what I am talking about (Wheel Pad on YouTube).

Oh, and keep an eye out at 1 min 38 seconds for the (2 second!) Ri and Andrea cameo!

 

So I’ll be straight. I dig Wheel Pad, in part, because it is a Riley Poor inspired project (no surprise there- if you have been reading this blog my adoration is clear). I also dig it because I find pleasure in watching Tiny Home shows and Wheel Pad is very “on trend” with the movement. Furthermore, I thoroughly enjoy Julie Lineberger and Joseph Cincotta, Ri’s godparents and Wheel Pad’s founder and chief architect, respectively. All of that, coupled with the accessible housing situation it addresses make it a win for the home team.

But really, the Wheel Pad project gets my stamp of approval because it is innovation with soul. Wheel Pad is a product of the ripple effect that was born the moment Ri dislocated his neck. It is, essentially, a proactive adaptation in response to a heavy, tragic moment- a call to action, if you will. While not a direct part of the design or building process, Wheel Pad unmistakably has Ri written all over it. The clean lines, the modern vibe, the materials, the design and even where it was built (Vermont- Ri’s childhood homeland and where he had his spinal cord injury) ripples right back to the initial source of inspiration.

So, without going off on too much of a tangent, my point is this- the actions or events we face (whether they seem good or bad at the time) carry with them the capacity to change the world in both big and small ways. Ri is firm in his assertion that he would change nothing about his path in life- and why would he when it is clear that he has inspired a lot of greatness in this world, with Wheel Pad being just one example.

Here is the link to Wheel Pad’s website. While it may not be a solution for everyone (cost and space are potential obstacles), you just never know who might benefit from this project, so don’t be shy about spreading the word :).

That’s all I have today! Thanks so much for reading! And please don’t be a stranger now – say hi, join my bloggity blog and let me know what you think!

~~~~Andrea

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Present Tense Life

Thoughts by Drea (this is a long one, y’all)

These framed photos easily go unnoticed in our home. Surrounded by far louder pieces of artwork, they live on this narrow corner wall, tucked behind an oversized chair that has come to belong, exclusively, to Quill. That little guy is Ri (OMG!), and those little skis represent his first and perhaps greatest love. He swears to me that he is two years old in these pictures (my god he was a big boy) and already he had it figured out. Life plan = skier. Not a police officer, not a firefighter. A skier. Ri tells me “I wanted to be an Olympic skier, or (he pauses to reevaluate his words), really, I just wanted to BE someone in the ski industry. Pause again. He then says- How lucky am I that that came true?”

Ri’s mother, Maria, is the storyteller of the family. She artfully weaves together the most vibrant tales of Ri’s childhood. Sometimes, when she is decluttering (a frequent pastime of hers :), she delights me with a new little Ri guy photo or memento, accompanied by a memory that she wants to let me in on. I hang to each word as every photo breathes enough life into the past for me to pause and wonder- wait a minute- was I there? Is this my memory or have I just heard this one before? I swear to you that sometimes I feel my presence there in that past. Rumi put words to these feelings of mine when he said- Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along. I know this to be so.

Maria’s tales of the past have a cohesive storyline that I think, can emerge only after we have revisited our memories many times over many years. She recounts, with motherly pride, the innate, unwavering determination of her eldest lion cub. Her reverence for Ri is ever present, and it seems that in a way, it was his powerful will, his sage clarity that birthed Maria’s motherly confidence. Our children must teach us so much, and it is clear that from a very young age, Ri made his path known. I suppose Maria saw it as her job to foster that. As the story goes, Riley’s path was far bigger than the state of Vermont (I am quoting a very matter of fact Maria there) and so the Poor’s packed up house and home and moved a young Ri from the snowy rolling hills of Whitingham, Vermont to the tallest peaks of Colorado. Crested Butte was where Ri’s dreams became reality.

All of that is super fascinating to me, for many reasons, one being that Ri and I have never really been skiing together. Or, maybe we have. I am deciding as I write.

On that topic, a couple months back, Ri decided that he wanted to go downhill skiing through an adaptive program at Mt. Bachelor. Very cool. We set up a weekend trip to Bend, and though I was totally stoke, I remained cautiously flexible as our plans tend to change with the wind.

Alas, as the weekend trip approached the weather forecast called for warm rain- yuck. In short, we bailed. Instead, we had this wonderful weekend at home building roll under raised garden beds with Ri’s dad and getting our garden spring ready. My point- it really was neither here nor there.

newgardenbeds_Fotor

The new roll under garden beds!!

And all of that brings me to a few things that I think about quite a lot these days. There are gifts that emerge from even the darkest moments of trauma. I do not know, had Ri never had his SCI, that Maria would so willingly allow me to be a part of her past, of their past. I do not know if she would have the same beautiful hindsight.

I do not know if Ri and I would bond so deeply through the slow savoring of the present, a reverence for the past, and a celebration of small triumphs. Through our relationship, I have learned to go easier on myself, to be moderate, and to free myself from a pattern we can all be guilty of- placing unfair and unnecessary expectations on ourselves and (even worse) those that we love. I forget all of this regularly (arg patterns are hard to break!) but my home life with Ri grounds me back into those values.

I want to wrap this post up with a story that illustrates all of these thoughts I am trying to express.

A few weeks back, Ri and I drove up to Mt. Hood so I could cross country ski around Trillium lake. After a lovely drive up the mountain, we turned into the unremarkable parking lot by the trailhead. Ri and Quill planned to stay in the van, so I got my boys all cozied up and took off on my adventure. Just as the snowflakes began to kiss my cheeks and the world fell silent, my mind perked up and became unnecessarily busy. It started with a tinge of guilt for leaving my guys back in that ugly parking lot. I could have at least has the foresight to drop them at the nice, warm, ski lodge up the road. Or better yet, why couldn’t they just be here by my side, I wondered? Quite quickly, some enticing plans began to develop…

It seemed to me that there was no reason couldn’t rig up some system to get Ri and Quill out here on this trail next time around. How hard could it be? I have seen those social media videos that all of you have seen with these paralyzed people pushing themselves to the limits, doing all kinds of adventurous stuff. Why not us?

And for a moment there, traveling down that wormhole, I almost missed the entire point. First of all, I had driven all this way to find some peace and quiet- so my brain had no place chattering on about these things. Secondly, Ri has expressed previously that he has no interest in these types of things- he is interested in being extremely kind to his body and doing things that make him feel cold or physically uncomfortable sucks the joy from his spirit. It seems that my self imposed guilt had taken me down a path that made no sense. Funny how we do that sometimes.

After a couple hours and a few wrong turns (it is a loop trail, people, so you figure that one out) I got back to the van. I open the door and there is Ri, snuggled up with a book, Quillie, snacks, and a blanket. Ri smiles this big, genuine smile and says to me (he always asks it the same way) “How was it? Did you have fun?” He was so happy. Just then I remembered what he told me the last time I left him in the van at the mountain- he loves it because it reminds him of his days as a filmmaker. That, apparently, was a lot of what filming skiers was about- hunkering down inside, watching the snow fall, and just kind of waiting for the weather to pass by so the filming could begin.

So, I am going to go out on a limb here and make the claim that Riley and I have indeed been skiing together. We ski together through stories of the past and we ski together in the here and now. I fill Ri in on every detail of my cross country adventures, and he tells me about the cute stuff Quill did while I was away and how much snow accumulated while I was gone. Sometimes I call or text him halfway through my journey, sometimes I take little videos so he can laugh at how truly minuscule the “massive” hill I went down was. I love this man. I love this life.

I know that there is a misconception out there. Some people think that having a physical disability (or being in a relationship with someone with a physical disability for that matter) means you will miss out on so much in life.

I believe that mentality runs the risk of missing out on the moments we actually have to live in this life. To be present, to deeply love, to observe this world with a slowness and a softness- this is the life that I have always wanted. I am so grateful to have found my way here.

Thank you all so much for reading my stories. I welcome all comments, questions, and opportunities to connect!

Warmly,

Andrea

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Poor House Video Tour!

Written by Drea

Welcome to our ever evolving Wheelchair Accessible Ranch Home!

Thanks to LineSync Architecture (Ri’s godparents and the architects behind the initial house remodel- we Love you Joseph & Julie!) we have a video (circa 2015) that highlights some of the accessible stuff around the Poor House. Fun!!!

While we are talking Poor House remodeling projects, boy oh boy I just can’t wrap my head around HOW MUCH has changed around here since this video was made… and I can’t wait to show you!!

So please stay tuned for more updates on all of the Poor Family projects and remodeling fun happening over at our place in Portland, Oregon!

Thanks for viewing!

 

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Questions and Assumptions

Written by Drea

We are all just trying to figure out how to love and be loved, ya know?

And when we see a love that doesn’t necesarrily fit the mold (whatever that means…cause, newsflash, there is no such mold), people are curious (I say curious, Ri says nosey). I think this must explain all of the questions that come my way about my relationship with Ri.

Some people see that wheelchair in a way that I just never have. They see it as this thing that is between us. I see it as this part of Riley- it helps him be mobile just like my legs help propel me forward. They see it as a hardship- I see it as a convenience. They assume it complicates our relationship. I say relationships are complicated anyway.

I welcome the many (unsolicited and often quite intimate) questions because to me, they get at a fundamental truth.

Relationships challenge us – every day. They are, at times, really hard. Relationships ask us to show up not just for our partner but above all else for ourselves (because if we aren’t good to ourselves, how can we be good to another?). And all of that can be hard to carry out with consistency.

When people ask me how Ri and I “make it work” despite all that comes along with the spinal cord injury/wheelchair/paralysis stuff, all I can say is this-

Ri and I just love each other and decided to 100% go for it. We are both all in. No question about it. And when you have love, without (unrealistic) expectations, without exceptions, without excuses, without trying to change another, what might seem complicated from an outside perspective just flows along with all the rest. That is, at least when you are well rested and well fed- which, obviously I currently am :).

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi