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Able-bodied sex is on the decline, studies show. Meanwhile, at the Poor House…

Attention! This post is about sexy stuff. Therefore, parents / parental-like figures of Ri and Dre should probably just go ahead and skip this one, mkay? Thanks! 

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And as mentioned above, today on the blog we are talking about SEX!!

I suppose because…you know, wheelchair, paralysis, being GF to my BF quad lover… some assume, ignorantly and wrongly so, that our sex life must be dull. Maybe even non existent! BAHAHA! Oh contraire! And I have noticed over the years that this false assumption somehow creates a safe space for women to ask me some bold, brazen, and borderline inappropriate questions about my sex life—of which I am completely game to answer.

It usually begins with these 2 questions, and the scene could take place anywhere (grocery store, hairdresser, car, etc.):

Question 1 – “Ummm, so does it work? You know, Ri’s thingie?”

Andrea answer 1– “Helllllz yes, girl! Everything works just fine.”

My response elicits a dramatic sigh from my interrogator. Is she really that relieved by this or does she have something else on her mind? 

 Question 2 – “But Andrea, can he feel, you know, the sex?”

Andrea answer 2- “Mmmmhmmmm. Oh, believe me, he can feel.”

Awkward silence momentarily ensues. Either I was too blunt or they are totally confused. Probably both.

And then sometimes, this initial conversation takes an interesting turn, as I find myself suddenly on the receiving end of a full-on sex life confessional, or in some cases…a full-on lack of sex life confessional.

And based on the information I have gathered during those confessionals, I am now going to make a sweeping generalization. I recognize that this might not apply to you, so please don’t get your panties all in a tizzy if you don’t relate, buuuuuuut…

Ladies.

Either I am simply am a magnet / therapist-like figure for a certain subpopulation of women (and that may be) OR, and I pray not, but there is currently, happening (or not happening) in bedrooms everywhere all around us, an EPIDEMIC of unknown proportions. I’m talking about how bored you all seem to be with your sex life. Or how sex with your partner isn’t even happening at all anymore.

I’m half kidding. But for realz – no time, energy, and /or desire to get it on in the bedroom, even under the most standard vanilla scenario? What gives?

I suspect I know. It’s all the hats women wear.

There’s work, babies, long commutes, budgeting, keeping up with the news, Keeping up with the Kardashians, cleaning, errands, shopping, socializing, wine drinking, self-care taking, and all of that training time for that next half marathon. And of course there is stress. And anxiety. And depression. And medications that treat those last 3 but whose side effects numb the nether regions and decrease sexual arousal (I know. I’ve been there).

Being so busy can disconnect us from the most primal parts of ourselves that yearn for gratification, if we aren’t careful, and our modern day lifestyles appears to be straight up damaging and depleting our libidos. It’s not just my observation – studies, articles and the like are popping everywhere.

Check this BBC story out right HERE, as one example. Or this ONE in the New York Times.

But I, for one, need sex. I need subtle, raw, rough, soft, and everything else in between sex. Erogenous zones are plentiful on any body (disability or not), I do believe, and in our house, they need attention. There are other things I want to say, like how tongues are the great explorers and how it can take a lifetime to deeply traverse every mountain, valley and any area in between on a lovers body, but you know all of this already and I’m not trying to write a romance novel. But this I say, cheesy as it may come across – your greatest adventure does not await you in Thailand, friends, it can be found in your very own bedroom. I promise.

I suppose I am writing all of this with a realization – this quad lifestyle (and probably a lot of my own personal health stuff, though that’s mostly in the past) has shifted a lot of stuff that just isn’t priority out of my life. I’m not saying that I am all that great at accepting that fact, because society sends me a lot of messages telling me to do it all, and be it all. But I can’t. I just can’t. And the moment I think I can and take on too much, I am grateful for the way my unique lifestyle forces me to take a step back. I think I will get into that more in a future post, because that is a loaded topic for me. But either way, I’m feeling good that my priorities in life feel pretty clear and, contrary to what most inquiring minds assume, my sex life, is, as Ri puts it – “EPIC!”

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